i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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