I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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