Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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