i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
