Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I stole a fireplace last night.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
