Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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