i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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