can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
