if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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