She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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