Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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