I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
