I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
