how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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