He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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