Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
