Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
