I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
