Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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