He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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