apparently the secret to your success is patron
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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