i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
