Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
