What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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