It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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