Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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