wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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