Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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