Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
