I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
