There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
