my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Pooping to opera.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
