I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
