dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
