Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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