somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
