no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
honey bunches of taint.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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