It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
