dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
