You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
