The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
