Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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