What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
