that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
