Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
