I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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