All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My vagina just recognized that song.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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