So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
