Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
