If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
