My underwear smells like fireworks.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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