Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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