You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
