Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
