its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
