Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
