eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
