It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
