I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
