just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
