I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
