Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
