There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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