paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
